Astonishing Conspiracy Behind Climate Change Hoax Revealed – See the pictures!

By August Elokuu | 24 November 2009

(TOPPLED ANGLIA) Climate change has been revealed to be a complete fabrication with no basis in reality. This major scandal, unveiled Tuesday, is already shaking the foundations of the global scientific community and political leadership.

The whole mess saw the light of day Tuesday afternoon as thousands of climate scientists, geophysics experts, geologists, atmospheric scientists and biologists confessed to having been part of a massive decades-long conspiracy. Its sole purpose was to lead people into believing that the Earth was warming.

“It is true, unfortunately. There is no such thing as climate change. All of us, some 12,400 researchers, were in on this hoax for around 30 years, each time just to secure funding for one more year. Every fall we would tell ourselves, ‘this is the last time, next year we quit.’ But once you’d started, it would get more and more difficult,” explained conspiracy dragon lord Luther Blissett.

Huge paydays

This criminal activity brought the scheming scientists several thousands of dollars in monetary benefits. Luther Blissett points out that it would have been utterly impossible for the scientists to attain a similar level of earnings had they been working for the tobacco industry or transnational oil companies, for example.

“What they can offer is mere pocket change compared to the bottomless coffers of environmental organizations and social movements,” he remarked.

The scientists’ confession has raised questions around the world as to how a conspiracy of such magnitude could possibly have been kept completely secret for so long, but according to Blissett the answer is simple.

“That was made possible by the ever-reaching invisible hand and infinite resources of green leftist groups and hippies, and of course the liberal media.”

Weigh in!

Some of the more out-there theories state that scientists who had been deemed traitors were murdered by a secret Greenpeace commando team. The web of deceit finally started to unravel as observant discussion forum users discovered confusing flaws and even methodological errors in the scientists’ reports.

“and what’s the deal with this hockey stick theory, when i was a kid i had a red titan hockey stick that had mike bossy written on it, it was a righty and it reached up to my shoulders if i was wearing skates so how can this global warming stick reach hundreds of years away. and then there’s the whole immigrant business,” noted Hicker E. Tard, an active citizen and critic of anthropogenic climate change.

The astute statements of Tard and similarly-abled contributors inspired the involvement of certain brave politicians such as Rush Limbaugh of the Neoconman Party. Due to the increasing popularity of the notion that reducing atmospheric pollution is a terrible fucking idea, the pressure mounted against the conspiracy became unbearable.

According to Lehti‘s sources, incandescent lightbulbs and white childhood christmases will return to stores starting next week.

(Printed with permission from the Finnish
magazine Lehti,
translation Jussi Saurio)

Creative Commons License

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4 Responses to Astonishing Conspiracy Behind Climate Change Hoax Revealed – See the pictures!

  1. Mark says:

    Good one! XD
    I also find their motivations a joke…but truly see no humor in the manipulating of data, and then destroying the originals to cover ones tracks. Sad. Black humor anyone?

  2. Yom Hargrave says:

    Finally, the truth is coming out!

  3. Leo Lyons says:

    Much has been made of the ‘loss’ of orignal data issue at UEA – it was maybe misguided, foolish even but given the data storage constraints often imposed, understanadable. This is not a case of throwing the smoking gun to the bottom of the lake – the original data does still exist – at the institutes from which it was originally gathered. Anyone who has worked with compiling data from many sources knows there will be anonmalies in the way it has been gathered – formatting, units of measurement etc. It has to be cleaned up before it can be amalgamated into a single database. This is not a contentious issue and therefore it would be reasonable in the minds of some people to carry out this administrative task and use the results as your baseline. We could argue about whether this is manipulation or not but its not what I would call it. I base my opinions only on what I have been able to read in the press – you may have insider knowledge which is more condemning but so far I have not seen anything published.I do not condone the excessive zeal and PR tactics of some of the scientists at UEA – and of course it is a gift from the gods for the nay-sayers – but lets not get carried away with it.

  4. Seppo says:

    Thanks Leo, you hit the point here! 🙂

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